Confidence is Forged in the Trenches
We live in a world obsessed with the spotlight. Instagram likes, LinkedIn applause, and those occasional "You go, girl!" DMs might feel great in the moment, but let's get real—they don't build the kind of unshakeable confidence you need to run a business, lead a team, or chase that big dream.
True confidence—the kind that radiates even when no one’s clapping for you—comes from the hard, messy, unglamorous work you do behind the scenes. It’s not built on validation from strangers gawking at your latest win. It’s cultivated in the quiet, relentless grind of doing the work that others will never see.
Sound harsh? Good. Let's get into why that matters.
The Myth of Public Praise
If you’ve been seeking external validation, here’s a newsflash for you—it’s a trap. Don’t get me wrong; public praise feels incredible. But public praise is fleeting. It’s a sugar rush, providing you with a temporary high while leaving you wanting more as soon as it fades. Even worse, relying on others’ approval for your self-esteem places your confidence on shaky ground. What happens when there’s no applause? Or, heaven forbid, when the critics show up? If praise is your main source of motivation, you’ll find yourself running on empty before you even realize it.
Confidence built on external validation is like a castle made of sand. Real confidence? That’s made of stone—durable, dependable, and grounded in an unshakable foundation. Turns out, that foundation is the hard work you put in when no one’s watching.
The Power of Private Work
Here’s the not-so-secret sauce to confidence that most people gloss over—it comes from putting in the reps. It’s built in those moments when you’re head-down learning a skill, solving problems you didn’t think you could, or picking yourself up after a soul-crushing failure.
Confidence is forged in the unglamorous acts of:
Working through tough challenges: That moment when you look at a spreadsheet and want to cry? Working through that, instead of delegating or procrastinating, builds confidence.
Learning, failing, and learning again: Failure isn’t just an option—it’s a necessity. Every time you fall flat on your face and stand back up, you’re growing.
Showing up consistently: Confidence doesn’t come from the occasional heroic effort; it’s built on disciplined, consistent action.
Think about it—can you imagine Beyoncé skipping rehearsals and just showing up to perform at Coachella? Her effortless confidence on stage didn’t come from strangers cheering in the crowd. It came from hundreds of hours spent rehearsing when no one was watching, sweating every detail until perfection became second nature.
The work you put in behind the scenes might feel invisible, but make no mistake—it leaves marks. Marks on your character, your skills, and your ability to trust yourself when pressure hits.
Practical Steps to Build Confidence in Private
Okay, so how do you build that kind of confidence? Here are some steps to get you started:
1. Set Clear Goals
Confidence thrives on clarity. Know what you want, whether that’s nailing a pitch, mastering a skill, or scaling your business. Break those goals down into achievable steps and chip away at them daily.
2. Commit to Consistent Practice
Confidence isn’t built overnight. It’s the result of showing up again and again, even when it’s hard. Pick one thing to work on—whether it’s improving your public speaking or learning SEO—and commit to doing it regularly.
3. Track Your Wins
Keep a record of your private victories. Did you hit your sales target? Nail a tough negotiation? Solve a difficult issue in your business? Write it down. These wins might feel small in the moment, but over time, they compound into something incredible.
4. Seek Feedback from Trusted Sources
Forget strangers on the internet; their opinions don’t matter. Instead, seek feedback from those who genuinely care about your growth. Honest, constructive feedback fuels growth, which in turn fuels confidence.
5. Own Your Failures
Every time you fail, you’re getting stronger. Don’t shy away from mistakes—they’re part of the process. Learn from them, grow, and move forward with more insight and certainty than before.
6. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Stop waiting to be perfect. Progress is enough. Celebrate the strides you’re making, even if you’re not exactly where you want to be yet.
It’s Time to Do the Work
Confidence isn’t handed out at award shows. It doesn’t come from likes, applause, or followers. It comes from the blood, sweat, and tears you pour into mastering your craft and pushing past your limits, all while no one else is paying attention.
Trust me, the work is worth it. Because when you finally step out into the spotlight, it won’t be about proving yourself to anyone else. You’ll already know you’re capable. You’ll already know you’ve earned your place.
Ladies, if you take anything away from this, let it be this: confidence is built brick by brick, in the shadows, when no one’s looking.
Now, go get to work. Your future self is counting on you.